This is my thing I made myself. Yay me.

Done and still wanting more? Ok. Here you go.

Alphabetical

A. Alpha Phi. Once we were told our nickname was Alpha Feed Me. Then we laughed and laughed. Some of my best college friends are from the Phi.

B. Ben. When my brother comes home, we have this little dance that we do to show we are happy. It goes "Ben ben ben benbenbaben". Maybe you have to imagine a thirty-year-old male stockbroker hopping to appreciate the Ben dance.

C. Chocolate. In keeping with tradition, I have candy in a moose jar in my house. And in a paper bag in the cupboard. Ok, and in the freezer. And fridge. But that's it, I swear.

D. Dark. My neighborhood has no streetlights. I dunno why. We don't have any sidewalks either, which Andrea thinks is weird. We do have a lot of stars out here though, and that is neat.

E. Envelopes. I love getting letters. I mean, seriously. I write people back. I do not like to lick envelopes shut. I like to seal them with tape and/or stickers.

F. Fags. I like faggots. I like gay male porn. What can I say? I am a weird weird duck.

G. Gossip. Girl, throw some gossip my way, and I am happy. I used to not care about celebs and their lives, but somehow, I got hooked on those trashy magazines like "People" and "US Weekly".

H. Homies! I love them. I mean, for 50 cents you can have a little man who is made to look like a ghetto rat. What a country, what a country.

I. Ice. You know what? I am not an ice cream junkie. I mean, it's good, but I am not someone that has to keep it in the house. On the other hand, I really like ice. I like to ruin my teeth and crunch it all up, even when I am not sexually frustrated.

J. Jack. That is my dad's name. Once, when I got caught for underage drinking by the police, I was drunk and I yelled, "Do you know who my father is? It's Jack A. W--" and I guess I thought they'd care, but they didn't.

K. Karaoke. I used to think it was for people with no lives, but know I know it is for people with no lives, people with full lives, people who like drinking, and most all people in general, like me. I sing "Pour Some Sugar One Me" or "Big Poppa". When drunk, I sing in Spanish. P>

L. Liora. Liora is the only Jewish lesbian I've dated. I appreciated the subtle things in common, like shabbat dinners and wanting Hebrew names for our kids.

M. Men. Hey, don't get me wrong. I like girls too, I just know there is something about the way boys smell that I really like. Plus, it is nice to know men. Then you don't always have to be around girls. That can get tiring too.

N. Necklace. I used to wear a necklace every day, shower with it, never take it off kind of thing, like a signature piece. I stopped that. Maybe I should do that again.

O. Outlaw. I like gender outlaws. I like FTMs for being who they want to be. Butch lesbatrons for the same reason.

P. Puppies. I like puppy luppies. I like to see photo books about them toddling around. Then I make my mom look at the books too so as not to be such a dork.

Q. Quizzes. I always do the online things to see what kind of muppet I am or my love style. I also fill out those survey things.

R. Reality TV. I swore I didn't care about those shows, but then I got sucked into "American Idol" and "America's Next Top Model" and the rest is history.

S. Salt. The only food I use salt on is breakfast food. Some people I know salt everything, like salad and buttered bread.

T. Trivia. You know, I know a lot of useless stuff. For instance, did you know that there are two states that don't do Daylight Savings Time? They are AZ and IN.

U. Ugly. I think the following are ugly: mullets, grasshoppers, cooked lamb chops, brown paint, underwear straps above pants, and suede.

V. Vibrators. At my last job at the dildo factory, I accumulated a lot of sex toys. I think I have about 10 now. That's enough. If you need to know what I have, inquire within.

W. Wine. I don't like red wine. I am just getting into white zinfindel, but even then, I would much rather have vodka.

X. Xanax. D had a roomie that was on Xanax. I am not on it. I have never even seen one, actually.

Y. Yellow. The room I grew up in was painted yellow until I was in 7th grade. Then I painted it white. I had a window seat in that room. I miss that.

Z. Zima. This was a drinking craze that never caught on with me. I only liked it when we put Jolly Ranchers at the bottom so it didn't taste so much like a sissy drink. Oh hell. I am not kidding anyone. It is a sissy drink.