There have been a lot of good things going on around here. My sorority sisters came to visit and the PSU/UM game was a great one to attend. I really just click with these girls. Years go by and it still seems like we can pick up where we left off. I really like that about them.

This weekend was the first in awhile where I didn't spend it all with Kate and D and that was odd. We will make up for it by going to D's house and to a cider mill this weekend.

The real issue that has been going on is with my doggie. We put him to sleep yesterday and it was like the saddest thing that has happened to me in quite some time. I was laying on the floor and sobbing in the vet's office while I petted Cody and he was so soft and so small and it was so sad.

I knew it was coming, but it is still so hard to prepare for something like that. I felt like we had tricked him into getting into the car, tricked him into going into a place he liked (the vet's), and then he kept waiting near the door because he wanted to leave and get out of there and come back to our house and lay on the floor in the library with my mom and I. The room was bright green, like pea soup on speed, and I just kept thinking about how that was the last place he would see before he died.

I took him on a walk before we took him into the vet's and he had a really good time. We stopped at all the mailboxes and sniffed a lot of leaves. It took about 20 minutes to go around the block, because he is old and it was like his first walk in a long time.

Then we put him in the car and took him to the vet's. We talked to the vet, and she assured us that this was a good decision, based on his age, symptoms of dementia and starting to pee in the house. Then the tech came in and gave Cody a shot that was like a massive tranquilizer so that when it was time for the heart-stopping stuff, he would already be pretty groggy/sleeping. Before the shot, Cody was walking all around the room, sniffing stuff, and I was just watching him and crying. My mom and I sat on a little wooden bench and held each other.

Cody is used to getting shots since he had allergies, and got allergy shots. So again, I feel like we tricked him because usually he would get a shot, we would take him home and give him a cookie, but this time, his shot made him really woozy and he kept trying to walk around and still smell stuff, but after like 5 minutes, his legs just wouldn't carry him and he fought it for a minute and then he just kind of lowered himself down onto the ground, half fell, half lowered, under the vet's table in the dark, and I layed down there with him and petted him and told him he was a good doggie and that everybody loved him, and his eyes got droopy and I nuzzled him and kissed his head and his ears and all that stuff. Then the doctor came in and said it was time to give him the shot to stop his heart. My mom and I decided to leave because we didn't want to be there when that part happened. I didn't want to see him stop breathing.

My little Mister. I am crying about it right now, typing this, but people ask how it went, how it was, and I can just have them read this. I can't say any of it outloud.

My mom and I tried to avoid going home. Neither of us verbalized it, but we both knew that we didn't want to go home. So we went to a bookstore, out for Chinese food, to see "The Corpse Bride" and then finally, we couldn't stay out so we came home. The house is big and empty. We watched the TiVo'd "Desperate Housewives" and then I went upstairs to read the book I bought "A Million Little Pieces" and about half an hour later my mom came upstairs, which she rarely does, and got into my bed and then we cried together and I tried to tell her the things she had been telling me before to make me feel better, but we both just feel this overwhelming loss. I tried to remind her all the reasons we did what we did, and then we kinda stopped crying and she left and I slept for 12 hours.

This is the longest DL entry I have ever written.