Sometimes I really hate the script I have in my head that keeps playing "You're not doing this right. You are so fucking this up. You are not doing this right."
I want to think that I am trying the best I can, but then I start thinking, am I really doing the best I can? I mean, I could have spaced out my food better yesterday. I could have started in on my liquids earlier today. Then I think, so what? I'm still here, I'm still doing fine, does it really matter? There is no rule book for the Sassers way. Everyone does this his/her own way, and my way happens to involve 4 meals a day instead of 6 and more pintos and beans than cottage cheese.
I am tired of beating myself up.
The plus side is that I got my period! I haven't had my period on my own (sans birth control) in a good 3 years. So it was wonderful to get it. It made me feel 13, and that was fun.
Today was going to be laundromat day, but instead, it is laze about the house day and pretend to be doing housework while actually watching game shows.
I go back to work on Monday! I can't believe how fast the time has gone, but also how ready I feel to get back there.
I have also been thinking about getting my "zen" tattoo more sooner then later. I am feeling rather zenlike lately. I feel slowed down. I don't usually think of the word slow as describing me, but it has been lately. So maybe my zen will be etched in for a reminder of this time. I dunno. Maybe I have had enough body altering for the month.
Yesterday was soo beautiful! D and I went on a walk and it was a perfect way to start the day. Being in bed was the perfect way to start the day today. See entry title for more on that.