Today is my first day back at work.
I am hard on myself. I freak out a lot. I am trying to remember the refrain, "Just because you can eat it doesn't mean you should."
It is not that I am eating a million things. I did have 8 oz. of chili yesterday in one sitting, which made me feel like shit. My problem is remembering that it made me feel like shit and not wanting to feel that way again.
So far, I have had a protein shake today, and I know it is time for me to eat my yogurt.
I am so worried about gaining weight, or not having this work. Then why am I not following my doctor's orders? I mean, I am not out eating cake, but I kind of pushed up my soft foods into my pureed stage. I am supposed to be on just pureed for another week, but I have been eating soft foods for the last few days. Nothing crazy has been happening, so I mean, I suppose that means my stomach is ready, but I do end up feeling angry and disappointed in myself. I don't want to feel that way.
I have a shit ton of work to do, but instead I am reading stuff and feeling like I am doing everything wrong, that I am a huge failure for losing only 26 lbs. in a month. My goal is to lose another 9 by the 17th when I go to the doctor's so I can be 35 lbs. in 6 weeks. That is good.
I have a goal.