I haven't been writing because it seems like my life is too boring to even exist. I mean, I go to work, hang out with JT and work out and try to eat good things and blarf blarf.
In therapy the other day, I was talking about how I seem to get so bored so easily. Like things go well, or seem stable, or aren't a total roller coaster, and I think to myself, oh dear. Too calm too stable. How can I rock this boat? Then I end up doing more drugs or cheating or spending loads of money on non-important things. How do I accept that an even keel doesn't mean monotony?
I like JT a lot. She has quickly gotten used to my "quirks" (read as neurotic tendencies) and we really get along quite well. What if I fuck that up?
My therapist had no good suggestions on how to help this, more a sort of gentle words of guidance saying I needed to look inward instead of relying on outside ways to shake things up.
I may never be content when things are content. I would like to learn how to be a little more at ease with it though.