Life is crazy and my car was allegedly involved in a hit and run accident while I was away in Israel. I have a citation issued and may have to go to traffic court. Yeah life! Rock out.
Also, I talked with my mother today and she told me that she thinks this is the heaviest I have ever been. That she thinks I've lost my waist and basically that I look like ass. Well, that is my interpretation, but that was it, more or less.
My brother also passed this on to me, saying that he was worried about me, my health, the usual. I think that I see myself so much that I don't notice things.
I do agree that these last 6 months have not been a shining moment for me. I have my car here so I don't walk as much, I don't live on campus and I haven't been to a gym or working out or anything in awhile. I am also pretty fucking depressed about not having a job and just generally feeling poor about myself.
I suppose I just kind of stopped making myself a priority somewhere. I got really focused on jobs and surviving that I kinda let the rest of my life slip to the wayside, thinking that would work itself out.
So now I am left feeling like shit on so many levels. I am fat, unemployed, and most of all, unmotivated. I can make excuses about things until the cows come home, but basically there will always be things in the way. I was talking to Liora and I was like oh there is so much other stuff going on and then I was like but there is always so much other stuff going on. There will always be something. Interesting. So I am going back to school tomorrow and that means I can go back to the gym for free. Also, maybe I will do something. I dunno. I think it just hit a nerve. Am I at rock bottom? I don't feel very stable. Am I low enough to make it work?