You know what I used to love in school? Scholastic book orders. And Trumpet book orders. All the places you could order books from with the little paper slips to return.
There is the good and the bad. The good: I got offered a job. A reference job. The bad: it is in Chicago.
Wait wait! Come back. I know you are like but you applied to this job and wanted this job and you must be an idiot if you have not already called to accept the job. But...now that it is a real possibility, I'm not sure I want it.
Do I want to pick up and move my life again? I know I make new friends quickly, but I can't decide if I feel like doing that right now. I love the job. I am terrified of the city. Yes, I lived in Boston, but it was a via school, and it was an insular way of making friends and doing things. Chicago is a big place, a tough place to make friends, and sigh. I just don't know.
I have an interview on Friday at the Detroit Public, but I need to let the other place know by Thursday. Isn't that how life always works?
I'd love to stick around here. I am comfortable here. I don't feel like a major life change right now. Well, it would be two major life changes, one in the job and one in the city. I think I can only handle one thing at a time these days.
I am feeling sort of fragile. I think everyone would kill me if I didn't take the job. Oh, just try it and stay for a year for experience and then move on blah blah blah. I know I sound like bad. I have been pining for a job; here one is, and I'm like "Maybe not." It has been a year.
I have until Thursday. I know whatever choice I make will be ok. I can't really go wrong. If I didn't have the DPL interview coming up, the Orion one that I just had, changes here at Chelsea, if I was feeling more desperate, I would take the job no question. But I do have these other three (local) things happening that sound better to me than Chicago.
I am having a really hard time. A stressful time. I ate so much last night and then went to bed at 9. I haven't worked out. All I have eaten today is cottage cheese. I am all messed up about this. I thought I would be like dancing off the rafters to have an offer, but I'm acting more like my dog got ran over. That to me says it is not a good fit.
I am trying to go with my gut, but my gut and my brain and my heart are saying different things. My brain is like take it! My heart and gut say it sounds scary.
Le sigh.