I have to stop drinking. I just have to. It is fun, but it also gets me into trouble. Mostly, it gets me into trouble.
I form attachments really fast. I wish I didn't, but I do.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing out here in the big bad world.
I can feel that sadness spreading over me, the one that makes me want to eat, smoke, drink, anything to not be in this space. I have a really hard time just letting my emotions be there and being present in them. I would rather they were gone.
I can't keep going at the pace I've been going.
I'd explode. And be drunk all the time and not looking at my life. I don't want to be that.
I'm thinking about playing hockey. I would like to become involved in a team sport, and most everyone I know plays hockey. First I have to start with skating. I think I can skate so that works, but I've never held a hockey stick, so I'm not saying I'm going to be a master out there. I'm just looking for something.
Aren't we all just looking for something?